Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
