when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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