This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it glows. i had to have it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
