Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
