OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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