when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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