your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
