you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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