"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
