dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
