My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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