Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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