I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
