I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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