I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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