i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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