I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
