I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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