So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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She needs sedatives and a leash
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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