why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dick has a subreddit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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