So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
