how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize