i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
