I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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