Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
