I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
