there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
