We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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