I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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