i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
