You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
