dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
