I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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