If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
