I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
