Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
