Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize