Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it