he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016