So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
