Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
