I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
