I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
