She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
