In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
