So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
