Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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