she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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