I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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