hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
