Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
