I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
