So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
