Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
