So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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