Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
