People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
