You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
