dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
