there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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