it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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