I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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