That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
